Resolving issues in a Biblical manner!
I am finding, more and more, that the best solution to disagreements is to NOT let them fester! Prayer is essential, but so is going face to face with people, with all the grace you can muster. In a time when people seem to feel justified in letting others 'have it,' we can choose to be those who let them have grace!
Hit agitations, frustrations, disagreements and discord head on: not to confront and prove oneself right, but to bring peace and accord. Get things out in the open, and fill every square inch of the air you breath with God's grace as you do it. In this process, we often find that there are things we, ourselves, have unknowingly contributed to a situation or that our expectations were out of line with the what the other person was able to bring to the relationship.
If you want people to trust you then be upright, rational and reasonable when discussing. That doesn't mean you aren't passionate. Mature, passionate people have control of their emotions and don't blame others for the way they feel and act.
Consider the way you are feeling; are you stuck on an issue and it's festering inside of you but you aren't taking it to the person with whom you are struggling? Very often we are dealing with misunderstandings but we make people into our enemies by our reasoning; we apply intent to their words and actions, and make assumptions based on what we see and feel. Unfortunately, in an effort to get counsel and sort out our feelings, we often draw others into a 'he said, she said' scenario and blow the situation out of proportion! This is not God's way of dealing with others, especially brothers and sisters in Christ.
In fact, Matthew 18 tells us to do things just the opposite of this: we're to first go directly to the brother or sister and speak with them. Notice it doesn't say accuse, degrade or berate them - we are looking for resolve, not an opportunity to vent! If there is no progress at that point, take others with you and talk to the person, realizing that others are there not just for your benefit, but to help sort out the problem from an impartial, Godly perspective. If that doesn't work, take it to the church - not as an accusation, but as a concern that cannot get resolved. At this point you are in God's court on earth, the church. If there is still no resolve, walk away from the person and give the situation time and space.
You may not be dealing with a person who is willing to resolve the problem, but Matthew 18 still gives you the responsibility to open the door to communication and pour grace on the fire of disagreement.
Believe it or not, your disagreement with someone does not mean that God has abandoned them and will never use them again. And if the process given to us for resolving issues with another person comes to the point of walking away from the relationship for a time, that does not mean we're to abandon prayer and self examination as part of the process of resolving the problem within our own hearts and minds. If you find that irritation comes up when you think on the unresolved circumstances, there is more to be done on your part to resolve it in your heart and forgive. Get back to the drawing board of prayer and the Word, and grab hold of the mind of Christ for this situation! There is no justification for holding a grudge and thinking ill of others - the Bible tells us to do just the opposite (Eph 4:31, Php 2:3).
Likely, most of these circumstances are petty, and certainly not worth the energy that we pour into them; they are a distraction from serving God, a tool of the enemy to shift our focus to minor issues. And even more likely is that the problem either began or ballooned because of hurts within us which skewed our thoughts and feelings, causing us to misunderstand others.
In the end, our motives will reveal themselves: are we looking to reconcile the situation under God's grace, coming to His solution, or are we looking to prove ourselves right and justify our feelings?
"Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good" (Rom 12:16-19, 21).
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