Does 'Forgive' Mean 'Forget?'

Forgiving others restores our mind, will and emotions back to God and His ways, and it helps us to use the situation which caused the offense to sharpen our understanding, discernment and wisdom. This means that we learn much from our experiences and are able to spot ‘signals’ or discern troubles more readily in the future. However, if we try to completely forget the situation as though it never happened, we may deal incorrectly with the person or persons who brought it about. Forgiving means we move forward by treating the person who sinned against us with love and grace, and we leave the acts of ‘justice’ to God – it’s not our responsibility to avenge a wrong done to us (Rom. 12:19)..

But if we haphazardly 'forget' along with forgiving, we may fail to set boundaries and perceive future concerns. It's OK to let trust be slowly built up again when a hurt has occurred - you don't have to jump in and assume the offender is A-OK and has changed his/her stripes because you have forgiven him. The fruit of a person’s life shows their trustworthiness and heart of repentance (Matt. 3:8). In forgiving someone who abused one of your children would you assume "all is good now because I have forgiven, so I can trust that person 100% and place my child back in his/her path?" In the same sense, would you put yourself back into a situation where you'll be hurt or abused just because you have forgiven? Seek God and let Him decide if and when you are to resume relationship, and what boundaries are to be in place.

Forgiving does not necessarily bring an equal reaction on the part of the one being forgiven – he or she may not be sorry and may not change his/her ways. Nor does forgiveness negate the fact that we are to behave responsibly toward one another – if we forget this we may give others undue access into our lives, which will hurt us again and enable them to continue their poor behaviors (Num 14:19-22). Jesus has provided forgiveness to the world – but the action of accepting that forgiveness (by means of repenting and living for God) has not taken place for a vast majority of people, therefore they cannot receive the blessings of being in relationship with God – both now and in eternity.

There are also times when we are not to continue a relationship unless we get a go-ahead from God (Matt 18:17). This does not give us an excuse for unforgiveness, but it gives that person some space to repent, grow, and seek God for himself while we pray and seek God's wisdom and timing. Some personalities are abusive - verbally, physically or mentally - and allowing those people access to our hearts and minds completely zaps our energy and takes our focus off of God, putting it on self-preservation. We cannot ‘fix’ others; it’s God’s work to do so as they submit to Him. We are to help and pray as He guides.

Forgiving and setting boundaries should never release us from loving and being kind – but we must combine that with Godly wisdom and discernment. Just as God extends His grace to all, we are to do the same (Matt 5:43-46) – but in the process we are to be as wise as serpents and as innocent as doves (Matt 10:16).