This was Leah’s life! She was older sister of Rachel, the beautiful and shapely daughter of Laban. But Leah was considered to be weak eyed and nothing to look upon (Genesis 29:17). Surely Leah had spent her life listening to others heap praises upon her sister, and this is likely where her feelings of inadequacy and insecurity began.
When Jacob appeared on the scene, he immediately fell in love with Rachel because of her beauty, and he was willing to go to great lengths to gain Rachel’s hand in marriage. In fact, he pledged himself to 7 years of labor under Rachel’s father, Laban, in exchange for the right to marry Rachel.
When Jacob’s 7 years of labor were complete, his wedding night finally arrived. But to Jacob’s surprise, he woke up the morning after to find Leah in bed next to him. Naturally Jacob was upset, but Laban’s answer to him was that the younger sibling is never given in marriage before the older; and Leah was the older sister. Scripture says that Jacob despised Leah because of this (Gen. 29:31).
Here was another wound added to Leah’s already damaged emotions: she was despised by her husband. She was ugly. She was undesirable. She was hated. So Leah determined in her mind to make her husband love her by bearing children for him. And to get him to sleep with her, Leah purchased time in Jacob’s bed by giving Rachel a basket full of mandrakes: how humiliating this must have been. It seems that Jacob customarily slept with Rachel, his beloved, while Leah slept alone with her feelings of loneliness and inadequacy.
Perhaps God’s plans for Leah’s life were being fulfilled. Perhaps she was in the place she was supposed to be, physically. But most certainly she wasn’t in that place emotionally or spiritually. And who can blame her, after what she endured. But through all of her struggles, God was with Leah and he blessed her with children. Her legacy is that she physically bore 6 Jacob 6 sons, who later became 6 of the 12 the tribes of Israel.
However, Leah never overcame her feelings of inadequacy and they eventually turned into feelings of jealousy. She never came to the place of understanding that her value and her purpose were found in God, in spite of her circumstances. Her eyes and heart were continually focused on gaining value through performance. If she could give Jacob enough sons he would love her – then her life would be perfect. But in striving to become ‘lovable,’ Leah added misery to her already difficult state of being; she focused on man’s valuation of her instead of God’s purpose for her. This led her to adapt her life toward changing others feelings about her.
Leah’s circumstances were difficult, but we each have different burdens to bear and we must allow God to be our first love in every circumstance or our feelings and weaknesses will dictate our lives. It is only in God that we gain security and are truly loved, in spite of the way that people view us. He is our source of value and He is where we find our worth. If we base our value on man’s opinion, it will give a place of superiority to fickle emotions and cripple our ability to hear the voice of the Holy Spirit.
As a side note, we can see the heritage that Leah left to her children: she passed on her feelings of inadequacy and jealousy to her 6 sons, who then sold their brother Joseph (Rachel’s son) into slavery. Their motive was jealousy! (Genesis 26-47).
